Ruminant Pink Friday’s Rules for Life

Aweh, My Dearly Beloved Fellow Ruminants & Groupies

What are the rules for life? Do they exist? One of my colleagues called me an anarcho-capitalist. An Anarcho-Capitalist is that person at a braai who insists taxation is theft between sips of craft beer. His dream world? One where everyone is a self-made entrepreneur living in a fortified gated community. Government? Please. In his utopia, the only authority is the invisible hand of the market.

Let’s consider the opposite. The smugly woke collectivist who has a Karl Marx tattoo and who uses phrases like post-colonial dialectics. She believes in communal ownership of everything—including opinions—and if you disagree, well, that’s just your capitalist indoctrination talking and if you persist you will be cancelled. This is delivered with a strong dose of self-righteous moral superiority.

To an anarchist, rules are like that stale breadstick at an Italian restaurant—completely unnecessary and something you only tolerate because it came with the meal. Life’s too short to spend it following some arbitrary list of do’s and don’ts handed down by curtain twitchers who, derive pleasure by interfering in other people’s lives and like to make sure nobody’s having more fun than them. The only rules are the essentials like agreeing to drive on the left side of the road (unless you are in the rest of the world). Perhaps another rule is don’t be a jerk—and even that’s more of a guideline than a law.

At the other extreme, there is the person who loves rules. They keep a colour-coded spreadsheet for their weekend plans and think “queueing properly” is the highest form of civilization. Rules aren’t restrictive; they’re comforting, like a perfectly ironed shirt or a neatly organized pantry. In their world, everything has its place, and its procedure.  

Me? I’m closer to the anarcho-capitalist, but not too close. When it comes to rules, I lean toward the anarchist.

Now, let’s talk about that somewhat deranged celebrity psychologist, Jordan Petersen, and his book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Can you condense life advice into 12 rules for a chaos-free life? Ridiculous. After 63 years on this planet, one thing I guarantee is that everyone will face chaos. Death, divorce, disease, accidents, job loss—the list is long, and there’s no magic rule or antidote. The best advice? The song Tubthumping,: “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” Also, it recommends a drink now and then—not rules, but something to think about.

So, are Petersen’s rules bullshit? Not so fast. I quite like some of them and I will pick two but demote them to suggestions rather than rules. First, “Stand up straight with your shoulders back”. Stand tall, be yourself and assert yourself, when necessary, but not like Donald Dump. Second, “Be precise in your speech”. Speak and write clearly and carefully to avoid misunderstandings. Once again, a certain presidential candidate springs to mind regarding how not to do this. This does not mean you need to be overly formal and pedantic in your speech and writing. Irreverence can often be more effective than formality. Anarchists revere irreverence!

So dearly beloved if I downgrade rules to suggestions do I have some life suggestions? Life changes as you age and what is important changes. Starting at the end I think not being a burden on your children or your family when you are old is my top suggestion. This is the greatest gift that you can give your children. This then translates into advice for the younger generation. Unless you are a trust fund kid you are going to need to start young to prepare for when you are old. This is going to require discipline and sacrifice. I would recommend a colour-coded spreadsheet. It’s great to be an anarchist for most things in life but not this. Some rules here wouldn’t hurt. An anarchist’s approach to financial planning is uncool. If you don’t have children or don’t plan to have then a more dire outcome of an anarchist’s approach to financial planning may await you. A destitute old age.

So, am I an anarchist? Mostly. Perhaps the best description would be a slightly schizophrenic anarchist who sometimes likes colour-coded spreadsheets. And if you disagree with my financial planning advice, well, that’s just your inability to delay instant gratification talking and if you persist, I might even consider cancelling you. Ok, that’s a bit much. I don’t do cancelling. But perhaps I might give you a strong dose of self-righteous moral superiority.

I hope that all makes sense.

Thanks for all the suggestions and feedback.

Regards

Bruce