Ruminations on mental disorders and grunt mode

Aweh dearly beloved fellow ruminants & groupies

In previous blog posts, I have confessed to self-diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder, prompting me to ruminate on mental disorders in general. It’s important to note that one is not confined to just one disorder; multiple disorders can coexist. In the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published in 2013, a wide array of disorders is outlined. This has led me to ponder: How many disorders do I have? How many boxes can I tick? Dearly beloved readers, how many disorders do you think you have? I would suggest it might be more than you realise. The good news is that with each new edition of the DSM, new disorders are discovered, which means you might have several disorders you are not even aware of.

In line with my narcissistic personality disorder, I consider myself a man of infinite resource and sagacity from whose head the rays of the sun shine in more than oriental splendour (with apologies to Rudyard Kipling). This means that my self-diagnosis skills are unparalleled. If you need help with diagnosing your disorders, I can help you.  I have recently diagnosed myself with dissociative identity disorder (DID) which was formerly known as multiple personality disorder. I have many different personas. Recently I was working with a new colleague, and I warned them that I can be a very difficult person. She expressed surprise as she said she had not experienced me as difficult at all. I replied that I had been on my best behaviour and that I have many different personas. Unfortunately, I have also passed this on to my 20-year-old younger son, Connor.

If you meet Connor, you will find him to be the charming and cooperative young man he is. However, at home, he often regresses to grunt mode, a trait he inherited from me. He uses it as a signal to convey, “Dad, leave me alone; I’m busy with something else,” or “I’m busy with nothing in particular.” I am also frequently in grunt mode; I struggle with interruptions and can display irrational irritation with the doorbell or phone. Additionally, there is grumpy mode and passive-aggressive mode, apparently my favourite mode according to my wife. I also exhibit arrogant mode, dismissive mode, and superior mode, asserting, “I really am better than you.” Sometimes, I get angry and frustrated when I shouldn’t, with bureaucracy often triggering these emotions.

Of course, I also have mild autism spectrum disorder, otherwise referred to as Asperger’s syndrome which is very fashionable these days. All the best people have that. I’ve done the test, and I can tick that box.  If you can couple that with attention deficit disorder (ADD) then this starts becoming a superpower. I also have generalised anxiety disorder. So many things to worry about.  

Given my extensive knowledge of mental disorders, I believe I could be of significant assistance when the DSM-6 is compiled. I think some essential disorders have been left out. For instance, I propose the inclusion of “Why Are There So Many Stupid People in the World Disorder” (SMSPWD), along with “Nihilism Personality Disorder” (NPD). Just to remind you stupid people out there nihilism is a philosophical perspective that posits the belief in the inherent meaninglessness, purposelessness, or lack of intrinsic value in life or in certain aspects of existence. This is coupled with “Misanthropic Personality Disorder” (MPD), which refers to a general dislike or distrust of humanity. Despite this, I am often pleasantly surprised by people and their selflessness.

There is also “Speaking Continuous Uninterrupted Bullshit Disorder” (SCUBD), a superpower for politicians, shared by South Africa’s president as well as Donald Trump. Dearly beloved readers, I will leave it up to you to decide if I have SCUBD. Personally, I find SCUBD in others very annoying, which can send me into grumpy mode followed by grunt mode.

There are other disorders I don’t have. The most annoying is “Irrational Optimism and Cheerfulness Disorder” (IOCD). Always look on the bright side of life. Labradors have this outlook but it’s not a disorder in Labradors because they are all like that and you know what you are getting. Our Labrador is no different and she is supposed to cheer me up. Human Labradors are annoying, and I want to slap them and even if I do, they don’t blame me and are still cheerful. Ok, I haven’t slapped anyone recently, but I have had impure thoughts about slapping them.

I will leave you with a final disorder that I don’t have “Denial of Objective Reality Disorder” (DORD).  DORD is deadly and unfortunately common. It involves denying objective reality, such as the belief that one can live to 120 or that all that matters is one’s lived experience. You can be anything you want to be. I want to be the Springbok rugby captain. In business, a deadly combination of IOCD and DORD sometimes helps people climb the corporate ladder right to the top. The cheerfulness and amazing business opportunities just over the horizon are deafening. Epic shareholder value destruction awaits.

Dearly beloved readers I’m sure my list of mental disorders is far from complete, and you can assist me to add more. I look forward to your wisdom.

I want to express my gratitude for all the ideas and comments received. I genuinely appreciate them, and please continue to share your thoughts.

Regards

Bruce