There is a hole in the budget dear Cyril dear Cyril

Aweh dearly beloved fellow ruminants & groupies

Last week I promised to deal with how Harry lost his virginity so let me dispense with that quickly. I don’t give a shit how Harry lost his virginity.

My inspiration for this week’s blog are the recent events relating to electricity price increases in South Africa.  Firstly, a quick summary of recent events for those of you who have not been following this. The state-owned South African energy supplier, Eskom, is running at a loss and is over-indebted. Eskom is technically bankrupt and can only continue with ongoing “cash injections” from the state.  It applied to the National Energy Regulator of South Africa (NERSA) for a 32% price increase for 2023 for electricity tariffs to be more cost reflective. NERSA granted Eskom an 18.65% increase from April this year. This price increase is extremely unpopular and is spurring civil action and litigation. An election is looming in 2024 and the electricity crisis is one of the biggest issues. So, in view of this the South African president, Cyril Ramaphosa, has publicly appealed directly to the Eskom board to delay the price increase to cushion the blow. The length of the delay has not been specified but presumably until after the election. The president has made a personal intervention short circuiting the current regulatory process. If his appeal is successful bigger “cash injections” will be required from the government. The South African government is also over-indebted and supporting Eskom will just serve to increase the national debt ultimately leading to a debt crisis.

This has all set me to ruminating and I thought that perhaps a good thing to do to lift the national mood would be to create, Eskom the musical. I would leave it to those who are more creatively and musically talented than me to complete and flesh out the musical, but I would like to share some ideas regarding a suitable theme song to open the musical. My inspiration for the theme song comes from Flanders and Swan in 1953 who wrote a duet entitled, “There’s a hole in my budget”. We would need a backing band and I envisage Doo-wop girls repeating the chorus line, “hole in the budget” melodiously in the background. I have devised some suitable lyrics for the duet between Cyril and Pravin Gordhan the government minister responsible for Eskom as follows:

There’s a hole in the Eskom budget, dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
There’s a hole in the budget, dear Cyril, a hole.

So, fix it dear Pravin, dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
So, fix it, dear Pravin, dear Pravin, fix it.

How should I fix it, dear Cyril, dear Cyril?
How should I fix it, dear Cyril, dear Cyril with what?

Don’t raise prices, dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
Don’t raise prices, dear Pravin, dear Pravin don’t raise prices,

But then how should I fix it, dear Cyril, dear Cyril?
But then how should I fix it, dear Cyril, dear Cyril with what?

Cut costs, dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
Cut costs, dear Pravin, dear Pravin with cost cuts.

But it’s the fixed costs and the unions, dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
But it’s the fixed costs and the unions, dear Cyril, dear Cyril, the costs are fixed,

And municipalities aren’t paying for their electricity, dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
Municipalities aren’t paying dear Cyril, dear Cyril, it’s the municipalities.

Well increase supply and sales dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
Increased supply, dear Pravin, dear Pravin with increased supply.

But increased supply needs money dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
But more money is needed, dear Cyril, dear Cyril, Eskom needs money,

Well find some money, dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
Well find some money, dear Pravin, dear Pravin find some money,

But where should I find some money, dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
But where should I find some money, dear Cyril, dear Cyril, where is the money?

In the budget, dear Pravin, dear Pravin,
In the budget dear Pravin, dear Pravin it’s in the budget,

But here’s a hole in the Eskom budget, dear Cyril, dear Cyril,
There’s a hole in the Eskom budget, dear Cyril, a hole.

In the interest of saving the country, I am prepared to forego all royalties relating to my inspirational intellectual property relating to the musical. South Africa has a serious unemployment problem so it will be essential to ensure that this musical is a very lavish production with a huge supporting cast. The possibility of sequels or an ongoing series should be considered so that we can create permanent jobs. The musical will also be an opportunity for black economic empowerment (BEE) and transformation. Notwithstanding the need for transformation serious consideration should be given to attracting a major international star like Morgan Freeman to play Cyril. Perhaps Harry could make a guest appearance to discuss how he lost his virginity together with a suitable song.  Dear readers perhaps I could ask you to unleash your creativity and propose lyrics for this song. A tender process for the musical should be initiated without delay and the cadre deployment committee should have the final say. Of course, the substantial budget will need to include green hydrogen-powered generators so that production and filming can occur efficiently.

Netflix might be interested although perhaps this musical might have limited international appeal, but I suspect it could be very popular in South Africa and a real boost to the local film industry. Once this is up and running, we could consider setting up a globally competitive musicals cluster in Cape Town, which will have more reliable electricity. This will accelerate Cape Town’s becoming a smart city that embraces the fourth industrial revolution.

My recommendation is to set up another presidential commission to investigate this and to engage McKinsey, Bain, or BCG to produce a compelling musicals masterplan document incorporating smart cities, the 4^th industrial revolution, bullet trains, and green hydrogen. I am willing to advise this commission.

Thank you for all the ideas and comments. I really appreciate them and please keep them coming.

Regards

Bruce