Ruminations on Worrying, Anxiety, Depression and Extinction

Maritaba Explorers Camp

Aweh dearly beloved fellow ruminants & groupies on day 71 of no lockdown.

Period as an ivory tower academic 77 days

For more than 20 years I have been organising an annual trip to the bush for my cisgender male friends. This was only interrupted in 2020 by Covid 19. I have just returned from this year’s trip at Marataba Explorers Camp. We were a group of 10.  Every year the trips seem to get better, and this year was no exception. The venue and the camp were incredibly beautiful, and the dedicated staff was amazing. We were ridiculously overfed with delicious food and the game drives and bush walks were outstanding. The attention to detail is hard to describe. I cannot recommend this place enough.

This is also an opportunity for a group of old friends to catch up around the campfire with wine and bakleiwater (fight water). Prior to my trip, I had just completed my annual check-up with my doctor with a battery of tests. She remarked that I am more anxious than normal, and she is right. I am anxious about many things. A new job as an academic, getting old, the decaying infrastructure in Johannesburg and the country caused by a corrupt and incompetent government, and very volatile global markets and a looming recession and a bear market. There is a lot to be anxious about. The camp has Wi-Fi and there was much talk about the market meltdown.

The mood of anxiety was very evident in the conversation. The demographic of the group is narcissistic, neurotic white males in the 55-62 age category with more than half of them fitting into the US dollar millionaire category. All of them live in South Africa and all of them would prefer to see out the rest of their days in South Africa. They are South Africans. Several of their children are overseas and are not currently planning to return. Plans are in progress for more children who are completing their schooling to go to university overseas as a stepping stone to moving out of the country. There was significant discussion concerning the merits of universities in Europe and the United States. It is fair to say that the general consensus is that it will be better for them to build their lives and careers in another country. Nobody argued the case that young graduates should rather stay and build South Africa.

Many personal experiences relating to growing government incompetence severely impeding business and people’s lives were related. The topics included the ongoing implosion of Transnet (freight rail), worsening load shedding (electricity blackouts), collapsing water infrastructure, and incomprehensible interference in business by government departments like the department of trade, industry, and competition (DTIC). A number of our group have dual citizenship and could leave South Africa behind at short notice although not without some hardship. Then there are those of us, like me, who are just South African citizens. What would Nerine and I do if push came to shove? The best I could offer is that we would fly to the Boere Bahamas (Mauritius) and buy a house there using our offshore account and live a humble life there for the rest of our days. I still hope that won’t be necessary.

My peer group of friends is an anxious bunch, and they did little to soothe my own anxieties. Of course, as sob stories go, none of us has even a vaguely good one to tell but we are witnessing the deterioration around us creating enormous hardship for the poor, while the corrupt ANC continues to steal and enrich themselves.

So, what am I going to do? The vulgar Afrikaans expression, “kyk noord en fok maar voort” will be my motto. The polite English translation is to put one foot in front of the other. For those of you able to handle vulgarity there is Google translate although the translation doesn’t do proper justice to the Afrikaans.

I will not insulate myself from the poor. I will try to teach my students as best I can. I will continue my community involvement including branching out to disadvantaged communities. I will exercise my academic freedom and freedom of expression. I will not be genuflecting (taking the knee) to government, corporates, or any ideology. I will do my best to be respectful and polite, but this does not include genuflection or the use of colourful language. I don’t think any of this is going to help my anxiety.

At the same time, I will be monitoring property prices in Mauritius or other countries that would take us. Although both our sons are at University in South Africa, they may end up elsewhere. Much will depend on whether South African democracy deteriorates further or whether the electorate will finally hold corrupt politicians to account and stop believing their lies. To what extent are young white men welcome and wanted in South Africa? When you are old you can tolerate not being wanted. If you are young, it is perhaps better to go where you are wanted. There are many opportunities for talented young people in other parts of the world.

We few, we happy few, we rapidly ageing band of brothers are a dying breed on the road to extinction. Transformation is upon us, and we shall not be mourned.

Thank you for all the ideas and comments. I really appreciate them and please keep them coming.

Regards

Bruce