Ruminations on Trump

Aweh, My Dearly Beloved Fellow Ruminants & Groupies,

One of my readers asked me last week what my latest views are on Trump. I am an obliging chap so here goes.

Trump is a full employment scheme for journalists, sensationalists, comedians, and obscure bloggers. If we still relied on ink, we’d have a global shortage. This is exactly how he likes it—being the centre of attention is what he lives for.

What can I add to this? Probably very little. You be the judge.

Down here in a shithole country at the southern tip of Africa, our journalists also have a lot to say. One respected political scientist insists Trump is deadly serious and highly strategic. Another, equally respected, Oxford-educated expert says Trump is basically a toddler and should be handled as such. Clearly, we are very confused down here.

So, lets first start by trying to be unemotional and analyse just two aspects of the Trump agenda. Cadre deployment and tariffs.

We down here in the anus of Africa can teach Americans a thing or two about cadre deployment. We have been doing it for much longer and much better than the Americans. Cadre deployment in South Africa is basically the ruling party’s VIP pass for loyal comrades. Loyalty over competence, connections over qualifications, and absolute, unquestioning obedience to the leader.

Need advice, America? We’ve got a gold-standard strategy for you. Just look at the ANC’s motto:
“The levers of state power must be in the hands of the progressive forces and must be used to advance the agenda of change.”

We can give very good strategic advice, on how to implement cadre deployment effectively and what to prioritise. Elon, take note of this ANC strategy, “The levers of state power must be in the hands of the progressive forces and must be used to advance the agenda of change”.

Cadre deployment is a very successful movie franchise in South Africa and Cadre Deployment VII: Bullet Trains and the Eastern Seaboard Smart City has just been released to rapturous reviews by impartial reviewers. Because things are a tad frosty between South Africa and Trump, we probably won’t see golden Trump towers and casinos in our smart city, and we will have to make do with Chinese bullet trains. Not that Americans know much about bullet trains.

Cadre deployment is just getting started in America, and we have some tips. Hollowing out symbolic state institutions like USAID is great for publicity, but that’s not where the real power lies. No, the real prize is the Department of Justice (DOJ)—America’s version of our National Prosecuting Authority (NPA).

In South Africa, the NPA was supposed to investigate crime and prosecute the corrupt. Cadres fixed that problem quickly. With the DOJ in the woodchipper, investigations disappear, insider deals flourish, and suddenly, fraud isn’t just tolerated—it’s policy.

Of course, we also had our own unelected billionaire power brokers—the Gupta brothers, who ran the country from the shadows. But let’s be honest, Elongated Rusk is far smarter and richer than the Guptas. In the land of the free and home of the brave, state capture could reach truly breathtaking new heights.

In the U.S., a Musk-style state capture wouldn’t just rely on backroom deals but on a tech-powered coup, with Musk, Thiel, and Andreessen using PACs, AI, and social media to bend policy in their favour. With their South African expertise, Musk and Thiel could push a hyper-libertarian agenda—gutting regulations, privatizing infrastructure, and seizing control of defence and energy, all while branding it as “innovation” and “cost-cutting.”

And let’s not forget—neutralizing the DOJ is key. That’s the final firewall against unchecked monopolization, insider deals, and a system where fraud isn’t just tolerated—it’s built into the business model.

Ok, enough about cadre deployment, let’s talk about tariffs.

Here in the buttocks of Africa we also have our wealthy Trump lovers, like Rob Hersov, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, richsplaining what a genius Trump is because he is pro-business and capitalism.

Really? High tariffs and free market capitalism? Hmmm.

Free markets love open trade, competition, and letting the best product win. Slapping on tariffs is like putting up “no trespassing” signs and calling it making America great again. Sure, you can try arguing they protect local jobs and stop foreign undercutting, but they jack up prices, fuel trade wars, and make everything more expensive.

Take avocados—America loves them but can’t grow enough, at least not fast enough to keep up with demand. Slap a tariff on Mexican imports, and suddenly your $2 avo toast becomes a luxury item, and Californians start panic-planting trees in their backyards. The same goes for anything the U.S. doesn’t make immediately—electronics, rare metals, even basic car parts. Tariffs don’t just protect industries; they tax consumers for the crime of wanting things at a reasonable price. Capitalism wants a level playing field—tariffs bring a sledgehammer and charge you extra for the mess.

So, no Rob Trump is not a free market capitalist.

Although Trump is, of course, a stable genius let’s consider another genius. Warren Buffett thinks Trump’s tariffs are basically an “act of war” and a tax on consumers—because, as he puts it, “the tooth fairy doesn’t pay ’em!” Slap tariffs on imports, and suddenly everything costs more, not because China loses, but because Americans foot the bill while politicians call it a win.

If you’re picking an investment guru, it’s Warren Buffett all day, every day—the man turns boring companies into gold. One built a trillion-dollar empire; the other left a trail of failed ventures, lawsuits, and unpaid contractors. Unless your investment strategy involves losing billions and blaming China, stick with the guy who doesn’t put his name on a vodka brand that no one drinks.

At the end of the day, Trump’s tariffs, Musk’s empire-building, and Hersov’s cheerleading all serve the same goal—making billionaires richer while everyone else foots the bill. But is this a master plan or just a toddler smashing buttons and calling it genius? State capture, whether in Pretoria or Washington, ends the same way—chaos, broken institutions, and a very expensive mess for the grown-ups to clean up.

Thanks for all the comments and input.

Bruce